God has many lessons for us and our young graduates during family milestones. We get leverage these transitions to strengthen our family ties and honor the Lord by thoughtful spiritual preparation. He has envisioned rich opportunities for ours and our children's growth as we discover His purposes in the world. He also invites us to intentionally embrace every change together.
High school graduations are milestone events in the life of each family member. In a blink of an eye, that last summer between junior and senior year arrives and you’re engaged in college (or other location) and big financial decisions for those crucial next steps in the life adventures of your children. God has exciting lessons for us and our children in these times. What follows are things worth pondering so that we create beneficial experiences for the whole family as our young adults leave home. Parents can mindfully navigate these transitions with their children.
High School Graduation: The First Release
First, your high school graduate has a developmental need to leave home and begin his / her journey on a path to clarify their life’s direction. Rather than hanging out at home in the basement, dawdling or playing video games, your child's future can be better served by college or trade school education, gainful work, serving a missions project, or the military.
Second, there are biblical and sociological justifications for your graduate to move out of the home and begin “adulting” their way through the myriad small and great life challenges that begin the process of transforming them into responsible adults. Jesus told his followers they were to be salt and light in the world. His perspective reflects a calling He places on all of us to face ordinary challenges with His extraordinary grace and increasing wisdom. This means a life ordained to distinguish us from others as His witnesses in the world. Children are to be like arrows drawn from a quiver and launched into the world. Ideally, they are targeted to uniquely serve Jesus’ purposes in reaching the lost for His kingdom. Their becoming so relies much on our prayerful, intentional efforts to infuse their minds and hearts with the truth of Scripture, and confidence in the God who is, and revealsHis gracious agenda for them to discover purpose and fulfillment in Himself.
Third, directing budding adults into work or continuing education positions them to learn dependence on the Lord’s guidance and provision. There may be few better ways for them to grow or awaken spiritually. If they are not already yielded to the Lord, leaving home can be a means for your grads to discover and experience Him on their own. You could risk thwarting or (at best) delaying your child’s maturation by deciding to provide all for them at home (as you have done) and short-circuit their reliance on God.
Parents Ought to Prepare for Change
The Lord charges parents to diligently prepare their children for the eventuality of life on their own. We can look around and easily find parents who are not ready to let go and children who are not ready to step out. Being ready when that time comes is perhaps our toughest responsibility.
Apostle Paul teaches that children should obey their parents. The contextual implies that this refers to minor children—not adults. It stands distinct from the Old Testament commandment that children honor their parents in all things. Through the broader counsel of Scripture, we understand that this latter command is unqualified and perpetual. Taken together, these commands shoulder parents to train their children first to obey them, so that as they grow up they embrace God’s pattern for family and society by honoring parents well into adulthood. Parents are to facilitate the transition in their children’s development from mere obedience to a willful honoring that glorifies God.
Parental responsibility doesn’t end when teenagers evolve into young adulthood, it gradually morphs into an advisory role. Preparing your child for independence shifts from being the primary decision-maker to a trusted advisor (among others in their lives) who will allow them to accept and live with the consequences of their choices. By this they gain necessary experience, confidence, discernment, and wisdom. You become readily available as a safe sounding board when needed. It’s your privilege to assist your graduates to acquire valuable life skills for independent thinking and critically evaluating the world from a foundation of Scriptural truth.
Discover healthy ways to relate with each child while consciously avoiding the extremes of indifference, isolation, and interference. Seek that elusive sweet spot between ongoing interest in their journey while maintaining light-handed involvement.
Major Change Affects Every Family Member
If you have more than one child, you understand their personalities and needs differ. As each one transitions out of your home, pay careful attention to the impacts felt by those who remain. They may acutely feel alone or left behind felt. Do your best to ensure their experience of an older sibling’s departure isn’t overlooked.
It can be helpful to have periodic family meetings to discuss an upcoming departure and what it means for each member of the family. These times offer occasions for celebration as you all make plans to remain emotionally and spiritually connected (e.g., family worship weekends, campus visits, holidays, phone calls and video chats).
Conscientiously Invite God into Family Transitions
When you deliver your children to college (or whatever is next for them) you may sense a palpable tinge of reluctance to let go. Goodbyes can be harder than we anticipate. We could wonder whether we sought the Lord’s comforting presence enough during the days leading up to such significant family change. Allow the Spirit’s gentle tug on your heart and conscience and ask for wisdom to redeem the time.
Remember Job’s words, “The Lord gives, and He takes away.” For each season of life, we should cultivate a heart and mind to bless His name. As we do this before our children, they alsolearn this valuable truth. God’s plan is always to free our children from our orbit and launch them into their own, in His vast kingdom—for His purposes.
Parenting is a faith and obedience journey for us concerning each of the precious gifts we call “our” children. We can learn to say, “Lord, blessed be your name for this separation.” Knowing His promised presence and blessing over our lives—even while we’re apart—can comfort us in such times. Launching our children positions us for opportunities to acknowledge and embrace the inevitable, new adventures that lay ahead. Be motivated to pray together and individually for usefulness as we eye the possibilities of future milestones. While we naturally grieve the loss of what once was, God affords us warm memories and hope to ensure our thankfulness and agreement with the truth that He indeed does all things well.